2020 Reflections
In our home, it often felt like an emotional and mental triage, forcing us to pause and return to center before all else. I experienced loneliness and questioned the value of living. I wondered my purpose and the purpose of it all. What is the point to this messy, chaotic, existence?
Many relationships were put to the test this past year; however, never have I known the truest value of a good friend. I’ve learned who is there. Who extends their hand despite the darkness. These relationships deepened, while others moved and changed course with the slightest breeze.
I had to come to terms that not all questions have answers. Reason and logic only go so far and the worship of science is still a form of worship, flawed with human intervention and manipulation, just as religion has been under great scrutiny for containing. There’s a vulnerability in faith that must be accepted. Never have I experienced such a range of humanity, nor reflected so deeply.
My husband and I faced new and creative challenges we could not have predicted, but grew in faith and tenderness together. From the raw emotion and unfiltered conversations emerged the reciprocated understanding, that we had found our soul mates. We were destined to face this life as one. Separate, we were off tilt, but together, we could restore balance and prosper.
Our children couldn’t be protected from the heartache this year brought, but it provided the environment for love, grace, trust, and forgiveness to be practiced and front of mind. We cared and nurtured one another as we fell and experienced failure, only to find we weren’t truly alone and would always belong.
We have not answered the meaning of life, but have become more comfortable with the unknown. As society crumbled, we reflected on our priorities, values, and conduct. This year has exerted strain on many. Resilience came front and center.
Though I explored a dark part of myself, I gained such a greater understanding of suffering. I saw the dangers of distraction, ego, and pride. I understood how both dangerous and miraculous the human mind can be. I gained a compassion, an empathy, it’s arguable if I could have attained without such adversity. I accepted my brokenness. I found a clarity; a more even playing ground for my brothers and sisters around the globe. I saw the vulnerabilities of our species…of myself.
I learned to hold on and I learned to let go. It became emphasized that every choice has a trade-off. You can’t truly have it all. We can’t go through life with a one-size-fits-all mentality. Though we are more alike than different, this does not mean these differences should be overlooked. What’s best for one is not a given to be best for another.
We are all learning and capable of both marvelous and horrendous acts. Society determines which is which. We are a part of that society and this should encourage a place of thinkers, reflectors, questioners, and drivers.
I would hope that 2021 brings a new light and hope for a brighter tomorrow, but that the lessons of 2020 are not lost. I’m looking forward to an enlightenment that we can achieve a unity without sacrificing diversity of ideas. Everyone does not need to agree, but must be open to productive discourse. We must listen and acknowledge the true experiences of fellow men, women, and children. We must be ready to admit that we are flawed. There are things we don’t know. We have been wrong before and we will be wrong again, despite our best efforts and intentions. We should foster a culture of humility.
At an individual level, we should measure our growth by comparing ourselves to who we were yesterday. Let’s ask ourselves…What do we value? How can we positively contribute? What quiet, but honorable role can we play in this life? Are we proud of our words, actions, and thoughts? Why? What steps can we take to improve? Who’s life can we touch and how? What tomorrow can we work towards achieving today?
Welcome 2021. Here’s to a reflected past, growth, and new beginnings.
Stay safe. Stay sane. Reflect, grow, and begin again.