Do What’s Best for You

I’m coming out of a dark few weeks. We can’t pretend that isolation does not come at a cost. I’ve known that if I had COVID, given my risk, I would likely recover with or without lasting effects. What I didn’t know, is that the isolation would prove more fatal to my well being. I had been struggling for months, as many of us are, but I was becoming weary. I was feeling alone, unhappy, and was losing sight of why I should continue to endure such suffering. My faith was wavering. As I felt the sense of purpose slip from my grasp, it set in, I was depressed.

This realization bothered me. Wasn’t I strong enough to ward off such terrible thoughts? Was I ungrateful for all life had provided? Was it really that hard? Couldn’t I just listen to my favorite song and snap out of it? Shouldn’t a smile on my child’s face melt away the darkness? The truth is, that’s not how it works. I’m not immune to the repeated stress and loneliness this past year has brought. None of us are. Under enough pressure, our minds become fragile. I had become fragile.

So, what’s more dangerous for you? COVID or the effects on your mental health? Perhaps you don’t know yet. Perhaps you are still entertained by distractions. Perhaps you have struck a magic balance (if you have, well done). Perhaps you are rockin’ it with these Stay-at-Home orders. Perhaps you are in an active battle with depression. Wherever you are, it’s important to feel it, recognize it, and reflect on it. If you are in the latter group, communicate it. Where do you think others are at?

I see it so often, people assuming the worst of intentions about others. Judgement is passed and hostility put forth. I see the frustration in people as they feel a loss of control over their lives and feel the need to inflict this upon others. This is maladaptive. Is this really what’s best for humanity? Is it really what’s best for you? Is it really what’s best for your family, neighbors, and strangers alike? Can the government or you decide what’s truly best for everyone?

According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, 132 Americans took their own lives daily this past year and over 1.4 million Americans attempted such an act.

The National Institute of Mental Health shared data indicating that suicide was the second leading cause of death for individuals aged 10-34 and the fourth leading cause of death for individuals aged 35-54. This is important to consider when looking at COVID data from the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) that shows those aged 5-17 representing 0.1% of COVID deaths, 18-29 year olds being 0.5% of COVID deaths, 30-39 year olds as 1.2% of COVID deaths, 40-49 year olds being 2.9%, and 50-64 year olds coming in at 14.6%. The 65+ age group accounts for nearly 81% of deaths.

The Centers for Disease Control have also noted an acceleration in overdose deaths since May of 2020. Over 81,000 drug overdose deaths have occurred since then. This is an all time high. The highest ever recorded.

My point is, depending on the individual, our risks will look quite different. For me, I’m at a greater danger of dying at my own hands than to that of the Corona Virus. Nobody wants to see suffering. But we can’t see this situation as a one-size-fits-all. You may feel your government is taking precautions to keep you safe from the virus, but this may, in another sense, be putting yourself or others at an even greater risk.

I have respect for anyone choosing to shield themselves from the threat of COVID19. We are in the midst of a pandemic. Many lives have been lost and will be lost. Besides death, a loss of health is also at play. If you decide that isolation is optimal for your well being, by all means, do it! We have been taking great precautions ourselves.

BUT the virus is not all we are risking. It is not all that’s threatening our existence. And I’ve now realized the virus was a danger to me from the peripheral. I believed I was keeping myself “safe,” but my life had never been in more danger.

Understand, that we face different risks. We are different people, with different needs. If you see someone making the choice to break the “rules,” they may actually be saving themselves. I ask you to “love thy neighbor as thy self.” If your neighbor is weighing the risks to their health differently, have some compassion. Release that hostility. If we’re all in this together, then we’re in it for all of us, and some of us are being put at great risk behind our own closed doors.

I should disclose that I’ve been blessed with people that were ready to catch me when I fell. My brain has been feeling more like my own and the veil of darkness is beginning to let the light back in. I will be okay.

I’m sure many will have their own opinions on this and I wrestled with writing it, but I felt compelled to take the leap. And if you happen to share any of my struggles, I hope to tell you that you’re not alone.

Do what’s best for you with respect to others, especially this holiday season.

Stay safe. Stay sane. Do what’s best for you.

If you are in crisis, call the toll-free National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The service is available to anyone. All calls are confidential. http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org